The Ultimate Response

It will come as no surprise to my regular readers that I sometimes exhibit inappropriate responses in social situations. For example, when I hear about a tragedy, and there is something remotely funny about the event, that’s the part that gets my attention. If a guy dressed in a bunny outfit kills a forest ranger, I can’t focus on the tragedy part. In that sort of situation, I would probably let out an involuntary snort before noticing no one else is laughing. I’d try to play it off as a cough, but no one would buy it.

My biggest social problem, by far, is a habit of revealing my opinion with my first reaction, before I realize I should be keeping that opinion to myself. Some husbands, when asked a question by their wives, use the time-honored “What do YOU think, dear?” But wives don’t like that approach. It seems condescending. Worse yet, it does not leave you vulnerable to having the wrong opinion, so it has a killjoy element.

Last night, by accident, I discovered The Ultimate Response to topics in which you don’t yet know the right response. It happened when I was simultaneously brushing my teeth, and yawning, and responding to my wife. It came out something like this: “Ooo-aah-mumble-agh.”

My wife stopped, and looked at me, and said, “What does that reaction mean?”

Bingo. I had accidentally discovered a response that has neither a positive nor a negative connotation. For the rest of the evening, I used it for all of my responses, to great effect.

Shelly: “Do you want to watch 30 Rock?”

Me: “Ooo-aah-mumble-agh.”

Shelly: “I’d like to watch it.”

Me: “Hey, me too!”

Feel free to try my new noise at home, or in the office. You might have to practice until it has no trace of negative or positive vibe. Be careful not to go up in pitch toward the end, because that can be construed as optimism.

You’re welcome.

De

from: http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/